Not Tonight Sweetie
by Married To Matt
Summary: It's that time of month for River. She just wants to be alone. But she hears the sound of the TARDIS outside her cell and realises the Doctor has come. Her Doctor. The one that wants to do stuff to her. She figures she will just have to explain everything to him.
1. Chapter 1

It was that time of month for River. She lay on her cot at Stormcage trying to get to sleep and ignoring the pain she had inside her. She just wanted to be alone and hopefully fall asleep. She was just about to drift off into a deep sleep when she heard the familiar groan of the TARDIS outside her cell. She sat up with a groan and flung the covers off her and onto the floor. She made her way over to the bars of her cell where she was greeted by the smiling face of her husband.

"Hello Sweetie" she managed to say, smiling at the Doctor.

"Hello River." He replied before pulling his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket and opening the cell.

River walked around the cell and stood facing the Doctor. She smiled up at him and watched his eyes flit up and down her body. She looked down at herself. Great. She was wearing the most unattractive nightdress she had then she didn't ruin any of her nice one's. It was quite baggy and didn't show off her curvy figure at all. Her hair was scraped back into a tight ponytail and she wore no make-up. In her opinion she looked terrible.

"River, oh River." The Doctor began, "You look beautiful."

River rolled her eyes. He was just trying to be nice.

"I look terrible sweetie, look at me. I know you're trying to flatter me but I'm not in the mood."

"No River, I wasn't lying. I know you're not wearing any make-up, but with a face like yours, you don't need to. To me, you're beautiful no matter what your hair is like or what you're wearing. You're my perfect wife."

And with that, he held River's face and pressed his lips against her's. They kissed slowly and it was a kiss filled with passion and love. Whenever they kissed each other, nothing else in the world mattered, they had everything they needed in the universe right in front of them.

They broke away and the pair stared lovingly into each other's eyes. The Doctor grabbed River's hand and whispered, "Come on, let's get out of here." He dragged River over to the TARDIS and unlocked the door with a click of his fingers. He glanced over at River with a smug look and she smiled back at him before pushing him inside and closing the TARDIS doors.

The Doctor ran up to the console, sent the TARDIS into flight and then leapt onto the seat next to the railing. River walked up to the console, turned on the blue stabilisers and then leant back.

"So sweetie, where we off to?"

"Well I thought we could just spend some time in the TARDIS, I hardly ever get to spend time alone with my gorgeous wife."

River smiled and said, "I never thought I'd hear that from you Doctor, are you sure you won't get bored?"

The Doctor sat up and walked over to his wife and held her waist.

"With you here River? I'm sure I'll find something to do."

He kissed her again and the kiss started off slow and passionate but quickly picked up speed as the Doctor pushed his tongue into River's mouth. Both tongues duelled, trying to get closer than was physically possible. River wrapped her arms around the Doctor's neck as he tightened the grip he had on her waist.

Eventually, the kiss ended leaving the Doctor and River both gasping for air.

Licking his lips the Doctor said, "Um, that was good."

"Yes sweetie, I knew you'd like it."

"Oh River, you know me well."

"Yes I do."

The Doctor grabbed River's hand and whisked her around the console, heading towards the stairs.

"Where you taking me sweetie?" River questioned.

"River Song, my perfect wife. I have missed you so much and so there is only one place I would even _consider_ taking you now."

"Which is?"

"To the bedroom!" he exclaimed as his face lit up like a child walking into a sweet shop.

River would have normally been thrilled about going to bed with the Doctor but not this time. She wouldn't enjoy anything at this time in the month. She'd just have to explain to him that she didn't want to do that sort of thing tonight. She was sure he would understand.

The Doctor was about to bound up the TARDIS stairs when River let go of his hand.

He whirled around to see River shaking her head. The Doctor was confused. River was usually the one to take _him_ to the bedroom, not the other way around. He thought that he had impressed her.

"Hey what's up?" he asked her.

River looked down and then reached out for the Doctor's hand.

"I need to tell you something sweetie."

The Doctor was speechless. What was wrong with her? She had declined going to the bedroom with him and he never thought that he'd see the day. Did she still love him? Was she going to tell him that she didn't want to be married anymore? She had _kissed_ him but was that all just a lie? He was in love with River, nobody made him feel the way she did. The way she would pop out of nowhere and say "Hello Sweetie", all the spoilers and mystery, and he couldn't lose her. The Doctor was nervous now. More nervous than he had ever been. He tried not to show it, but it obviously didn't work.

"Oh Doctor, don't look so worried, it's nothing like that!" River laughed and led him around the console back to the chair.

The Doctor sat down and pulled River on top of him, putting her head on his chest, pulling the bobble out of her hair and stroking it.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes; River lying on top of the Doctor whilst he had a protective arm around her and his other hand was stroking her golden curls.

The Doctor broke the silence.

"So River, this is the quietest I've ever heard you, are you alright?"

"I'm fine Doctor, this is all natural."

"_Natural_? River Song, you have just turned down the offer to shag me, please don't tell me _that_ is natural!"

"Oh you!" River laughed, slapping the Doctor's thigh.

"Okay then, so tell me what's 'natural' then." The Doctor spoke, trying to get information out of his wife.

"Oh Doctor, I hoped you'd have worked it out by now! Guess I'll just have to tell you."

"Yes, enlighten me." The Doctor chuckled.

"Well you see sweetie, the reason I don't want to have sex with you right now is because it's that time of month for me. You know what I'm saying?"

Frowning, the Doctor said, "Er, yes..."

River laughed at looked up into the Doctor's eyes.

"Oh Doctor, you adorable idiot! You have no idea what I'm talking about do you?"

"Well it's bloody hard to understand as you're speaking in some sort of code!"

"Sweetie, you do make me laugh, but you're so oblivious at times! It's that time of month for me, you know?"

"Well yes, naturally. I do like this time of month too. It's very...relaxing."

"Oh FOR FUCK'S SAKE Doctor!" Do you know nothing about women?" By this time, River had sat up on the chair and was now facing the Doctor. "Didn't your first wife tell you anything? Weren't there a few days per month where she told you that you couldn't do it?"

The Doctor looked down nervously.

"Well-we-er-we didn't do 'it' at all really. Only about once a week at the very most. And I know you're annoyed with me River, but I have no idea what you are talking about."

River gazed into her husband's eyes and felt a bit sorry for him. She didn't mean to swear at him. But she was delighted to discover that the Doctor and his first wife didn't have sex that often. That meant that he almost defiantly preferred her over his old wife. And that just made her party internally.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you sweetie. But you know, for the man who is the stuff of legend and all that, you really have no concept of a woman's biology."

"Hey! I _do _have a concept of women's biology!" the Doctor replied. River raised an eyebrow at him. "Well I have a concept of _your_ biology, River. I know about your body and stuff."

"Doctor," River began, "Shut _up_ before you embarrass yourself even more. You generally don't have a clue what I'm talking about do you? I was trying to put it the nice way but as you seem so oblivious to everything I'm just going to have to tell you straight."

"Uh..." the Doctor spoke, shifting his eyes away from River's.

But River held his chin and lifted his head up until he was gazing straight into her green eyes.

"Are you comfortable there River?" the Doctor questioned.

River looked down. She was sitting on top of her husband very awkwardly; her knees were digging into his thighs and her feet were pressing quite hard into his shins.

"Well I'm perfectly fine, but if you're not then-"

"No no I'm fine," the Doctor quickly lied.

River knew he was lying of course. She always knew when he was lying. He had that certain look in his eyes and he always fidgeted with his hands. She decided to make him tell the truth by digging her knees even harder into his legs and making the Doctor very uncomfortable.

After a few moments, the Doctor could take it no longer.

"Ah River, ouch, you have to get off me please, argh you're squishing me!" the Doctor complained loudly.

River chuckled and obeyed her husband. She stood up above him and looked down into his hazel-green eyes before he dragged her back down on top of him and rested his chin on her chest.

"Now _that's_ comfortable," he spoke smugly.

"You bet it is," she replied.

The pair sat there in silence again for another few minutes, enjoying the warmth and comfort of each other. When they were together, nothing in the whole world could break them up. Even if a whole Cyber Legion broke through the doors, neither of them would let go of each other. The Doctor wrapped his strong arms around River protectively and River pushed her head back into the Doctor's chest. He leant his head down and smelt her hair before kissing the top of her head lightly.

Eventually, the Doctor broke the silence.

"So, you have some explaining to do River."

"Yes about that," River replied.

"You happy here?" the Doctor asked her whilst brushing a stray strand of hair out of her eyes.

"Extremely."

"So, lead on."

River laughed before starting her story.

"Well Doctor, you've made love to me before yes?" River questioned with a tad of playfulness in her voice.

"Uh...yeah," the Doctor replied, slightly confused about what River was implying.

"And you know where you... lets say, enter me?" she pushed almost laughing.

"Well, yes, erm naturally," the Doctor said, feeling his cheeks flush, "Your vagina," he whispered which made River laugh out loud.

"There's no one else here sweetie, you don't have to whisper!"

"Yes, but the-there, well it's embarrassing!" the Doctor stammered.

"You love it really," River shot back.

"I do."

"Oh stop it!" she exclaimed.

"Make me."

"Maybe I will!"

"I'd like to see you try!" the Doctor laughed.

"Well _anyway_ Doctor, every month for about 5 days a woman bleeds. I'm not going to get into all the details about it, that's all you need to know for now."

"_Bleeds_?" the Doctor asked, "From where?"

River sighed loudly until the Doctor understood.

"Oh. From _there_? River, YOU BLEED OUT OF YOUR VAGINA?"

"Sssh honey, no need to shout."

"You said there was no one else here!"

"You still don't need to shout _quite_ so loudly." River replied.

"But-but that's _disgusting_!" the Doctor said, shuddering.

"It's natural sweetie, I get used to it. I'm really surprised about how you didn't know this before, I mean you're over 900 years old and you've had about 30 female companions, you are just _so_ oblivious!" River exclaimed.

"Wh-what, wait you mean to say all my female companions might have been bleeding when they were with me?!" The Doctor screeched and then scrunched up his eyes trying to get the image out of his head.

Sighing again, River said: "Yes sweetie, but it's fine, honestly."

The Doctor obviously still didn't think it was 'fine'.

"So-so Amy?" he asked and River gave a little nod, "And Rose? Rose would have told me though, Rose told me everything..." The Doctor trailed off, heading into his own train of thought.

River gently stroked up and down the Doctor's thigh. Clearly he hadn't taken this news as well as she had expected.

"Sweetie, it's ok. None of your companions would have told you. It's not some sort of massive secret they have to tell you, it's natural and happens to all women. I guess they assumed you would already know about it. I never told you before tonight because I've never needed to before. Even _I _assumed you already knew about it." River told him.

"So what are we going to do all night with you like that?" the Doctor asked, disappointed that a good night of sex had been ruined.

River sat up from the Doctor and whirled around to face him. She made a grab for his pants and quickly unbuttoned them and zipped down the fly before dragging them down.

"Oh Doctor," River laughed, "Just because you can't get your dick inside of my vagina, doesn't you can't get it inside my mouth!"

**Another chapter soon! **

**And trust me, I will still be writing River/11 fanfics even when Peter is the Doctor because you know. Just no.**

**REVIEW PLEASE!**


	2. Chapter 2

The Doctor practically dragged River around the console and up the stairs. His trousers, socks and shoes were left in the console room along with his tweed jacket, bowtie and braces. He couldn't wait to have her; to touch her and to have her mouth around him. He ran with his wife, leading her towards their bedroom but gave up before they reached it. He grabbed River and slammed her into the wall of the corridor before pushing his mouth hard against her's. The kiss was hot and fiery and both tongues duelled for command. River moaned into the Doctor's mouth and he bit her bottom lip, never wanting to let go. River tasted great in his mouth and he just wanted her, he_ needed_ her. His hands, which had found a place at the small of River's back, snuck down to her butt and gave it a light squeeze before sliding down to the underside of her thigh and lifting it up and around his hip. The caused River to moan even louder and she thrust her hips into her husband before he thrust his own hips back into her's even harder, still maintaining the quick pace of kissing.

Eventually the Doctor broke the kiss and the pair regained their breathe.

"Uh Doctor," River spoke seductively, "You _have_ to do that more often."

The Doctor leant down to her ear and whispered, "What, even with your parents around?" before licking River's ear lobe which caused her to sigh with pleasure.

"Yes, even with my parents around, even with _anyone_ around; I don't even care where, just do it ok?" River breathed back.

"Anything for you my darling River," the Doctor spoke softly into her hair.

"Anyway, speaking of my parents," River began, "Where are they?"

"Oh they went to bed ages ago. They always do. Never really seemed up for the night life."

"In public," River finished off helpfully.

"Yes in public- wait what?" the Doctor questioned frantically.

"Never you mind," River teased, slapping the Doctor's butt.

"Hey!" the Doctor protested squeezing River's left breast through her nightdress.

River let out a moan of pleasure before unhooking her leg from around the Doctor's waist and walking away from him.

"Where are you off to Dr Song?" the Doctor chuckled.

"The bedroom?" River replied obviously, still walking down the corridor with her back still to her husband.

The Doctor crept up behind River and grabbed her around the waist causing her to squeal.

"Oi you!" River said as the Doctor whirled her around so she faced him.

"I am _not_ waiting until we reach the bedroom River, I need to do this now," the Doctor protested.

"Well whatcha waiting for ?" River raised an eyebrow at her husband before making a grab for his shirt.

The Doctor released River from his grasp just before she ripped open his shirt sending buttons flying everywhere.

"_Riv-er_," the Doctor whined, "I liked that shirt!"

The buttonless shirt was now flung on the floor and the Doctor remembered another night spent with River when the same shirt was flung over the TARDIS console. However, the buttons managed to stay _on_ the shirt that time rather than littering the TARDIS corridor.

"Don't worry sweetie, I'll make it up to you," River said, lightly brushing her lips against his.

But that wasn't enough for the Doctor. He seized River's night dress and swiftly ripped the material in half before throwing the tattered cloth on the floor.

River glared at him before slamming him up against the wall and pulling the Doctor's hair hard.

"You are very lucky that it wasn't any of my nice nightdresses or I would have you handcuffed for eternity," she growled.

"Sounds promising," the Doctor replied with a smirk, earning a hard tug of his hair from River before she kissed him hard.

This kiss wasn't romantic. This kiss wasn't passionate. This kiss was a fight. The pair bit and tugged at each other's lips as their tongues forced their way into each other's mouths, demanding total command. They eventually stopped after they could taste each other's blood in their mouths.

As soon as the kiss was over, the Doctor lifted River up by the waist and she wrapped her legs around his torso and her arms around his neck. The Doctor pulled River in close to him and she rested her head on his chest while the Doctor planted small kisses into her hair. The mood had changed from rough and vicious to warm and loving within seconds. River smiled up at her husband before trailing kissing along his chest. The Doctor carefully placed River back down on the floor before wrapping his arms around her and unclasping her bra from behind, setting her free.

Indicating her knickers, the Doctor spoke, "I think we'll leave those on tonight, because you know, um, you can't do you know, it."

Stroking the Doctor's face with her thumb, River replied, "It's not that I _can't_ do it, because I can, but I thought it would be a bit unpleasant for you, dear."

"Do you think a bit of blood would stop me?" the Doctor said before shuddering. "Actually, no. Let's not do it. I really am _not_ a fan of blood," he concluded.

"You're not a fan of much are you sweetie?" River questioned.

"I'm a fan of _you_ River. The biggest fan."

River smiled to herself at the Doctor's fail of a pick-up line.

"Less talking sweetie, more doing."

"Hmm, if you insist."

River's hand shot towards the Doctor's TARDIS blue boxers and whipped them off in a flash as he sprang out of them.

'_Hmm,' _River thought to herself, '_I could really use somewhere to attach these handcuffs to.'_

As she hoped, the TARDIS read her thoughts and a metal bar sprouted out of the wall behind the Doctor and made itself into a kind of long handle.

River silently thanked the ship. Being a child of the TARDIS did have its plus sides.

Before he knew what was happening, River reached into her knickers, produced a pair of handcuffs and had attached the Doctor's wrists to the new metal bar in the wall.

"Wh-what? Where were you hiding them?" the Doctor asked, stunned.

"You really don't want to know sweetie," River said as she placed a knee either side of the Doctor's muscular chest.

"Oh I _do_," the Doctor grinned.

"Cheeky."

River leant down and placed a small kiss on the Doctor's lips before trailing down his chin and continuing towards his neck where she gave him a little bite before licking over it. She wanted him to have a clearly visible red mark there tomorrow to make awkward conversation between him and her parents. She carried on kissing right the way down the Doctor's chest and to his stomach before she slid down his body more, purposefully making contact with the place she knew he wanted to be touched.

"Uh River, please," the Doctor begged.

"If you're a good boy and you're patient, you will get a reward, so hush."

River now knelt between the Doctor's legs and continued to kiss across his stomach and down towards left hip bone which she gave quite a hard bite.

"Fuck River," the Doctor moaned, but she gave him an even harder bite to shut him up.

River trailed her kisses down lower to the inside of his left thigh and then licked her tongue up, nearing the area the Doctor needed contact. She knew he was throbbing right next to her.

After licking and biting at the Doctor's inner thigh for a bit longer, she decided to give him what he desperately needed. After all, he was making a lot of noise, moaning and begging, but she wasn't complaining.

She wrapped her mouth around the Doctor and slowly slid up and down him from root to tip before picking up her pace.

"Riv-RIVER!" the Doctor shouted above her, still handcuffed. She knew he needed to be touching her right now and she smiled around him because she knew she was in full control.

She removed her mouth for a moment to say, "My my, someone's a bit loud!" before wrapping it back around him and increasing her pace. She could feel him hot and hard in her mouth and she knew she was driving him crazy from the extremely loud grunts and moans coming from his mouth.

The Doctor could take it no longer though. Although River's pace was good, it needed to be faster to make him come at once. So he thrust his hips up forcing her to take him all in, but realised he had been a bit eager when she gagged. He knew he had taken it too far. River bit down on him hard, causing him to yell in pain. She bit again and again and the Doctor thought he would have a bruise there in the morning. But he needed to come, so he knew what he would have to do.

With River still biting, the Doctor managed to say, "I'm sorry Riv-ow-I'm sorry for making you gag, please stop 'm sorry."

Even though, River didn't speak to him, the Doctor knew she was satisfied with this apology because she stopped biting and slid up and down him faster than before. The Doctor knew that River wanted him to come too, she was really giving her best efforts, and eventually her efforts worked.

"FUCK RIVER!" he shouted as he came into River's mouth.

She swallowed with her mouth still around him before removing herself and sliding up the Doctor's chest to kiss him on the lips.

It was a brief kiss because, both the River and the Doctor were short of breath. River placed her head on the Doctor's chest and closed her eyes.

"I love you River Song," the Doctor softly spoke, "I love you so much."

River pressed her lips into the Doctor's chest and muttered her reply.

"I love you too sweetie, more than anything. Don't forget that, will you? Even when I'm really mad at you, please remember I love you. You're my perfect husband."

The Doctor smiled and closed his eyes, ignoring the fact that he was handcuffed, because it seemed River had too. River lay on top of his chest, eyes closed, savouring the moment because it rarely happened. She wanted this moment to last forever, the two of them both admitting their love for the other, both of them content with just living their life like this, together. Nothing could break them up now.

Except maybe River's dad.

**Reviews make me happy. So does Matt Smith, but a review would do just nicely.**

**There is a 3****rd**** chapter on the way, so more reviews = faster upload :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for being patient! **

Rory stood five meters away from the Doctor and River with his arms crossed and a stern look on his face. The Doctor gasped and looked into River's eyes, begging her to do something. There would be no covering up the situation this time.

"Dad!" River began innocently, sitting up and turning so she sat sideways on the Doctor's stomach, "What brings you here?"

She smiled at him for good measure.

"I heard the Doctor shouting your name," he explained, "And I knew what was going on. I'm not happy. At all. Doctor, that's my daughter sat half-naked on top of you. I expected better."

The Doctor looked up at Rory for a brief second, eyes widening. He couldn't move because of the handcuffs, but he didn't exactly want to point that out to Rory.

"I-I-I know but, erm..." the Doctor broke off, obviously not knowing what to say. But River stood up for him.

"It's not his fault dad!"

"Not, not his fault?" questioned Rory.

"WELL HE'S THE ONE HANDCUFFED TO THE RAILING!" she shouted back.

Normally, River never argued with her father because she respected him a lot, but when he was telling the Doctor off for something that he was half responsible for, she needed to be firm.

"River, there's no need to shout at me, I'm only trying to protect you."

"Protect me?" she argued back, "You call protecting me telling my own husband off for having me half-naked on top of him? I would understand if he was some random stranger, but he's not dad. He's the Doctor- my husband. And I love him."

River looked down at the Doctor as he smiled up at her.

"I love you too River."

She leant down to attempt to give him a peck on the lips, but it turned into more than that. She kissed him passionately and bit on his bottom lip until she heard a cough.

"I'm still here you know River," Rory said, but not as sternly as before.

"Woops," the Doctor said.

River leaned up from the Doctor and stood up to walk over to Rory. What she had forgot, however, is that her father could now see the Doctor's erected penis quite clearly.

"Oh!" Rory exclaimed, covering his eyes with his hand, "That is something I did not need to see!"

"Sorry dad," River said apologetically, "The Doctor does seem to have an attraction to me."

Rory grunted and then said, "Well could you put it away at least please Doctor? And River, put a top on please!"

"I can't put it away Rory because _your_ daughter handcuffed me to the railings!" The Doctor snapped.

"I'll do it!" chimed River before running over to where the Doctor's boxers lay on the floor and scooping them up before helping the Doctor into them. She gave the Doctor's hard dick a rub through the thin material which caused him to groan loudly.

"Have you _done_ yet?" asked Rory, still with his hands in front of his face.

"Nearly." River replied before kissing the Doctor lightly on the inside of his right thigh and then standing up. "You can still see...it...a bit, but it's covered up now Daddy."

Rory slowly removed his hands from in front of his eyes before putting them back immediately.

"River, what about you? I do _not_ want to see my own daughter in only her knickers thanks."

"Well you see Daddy," began River playfully, "The Doctor was a bit eager tonight and he couldn't wait to get to the bedroom so he decided to do it here and he ripped off my nightdress and I can't wear it anymore."

"What?!" screeched Rory.

Oh the Doctor could kill her now. Making it out to seem like he was a dirty old man in front of Rory like that. He couldn't even do anything because he was _still_ handcuffed to the railing.

"That's _not_ how it happened!" the Doctor protested, even though he knew River was close to the truth. He didn't want to get into even more trouble with Rory. He had a sword.

"Well, just find _something_ please River, I need to have words and I really don't want to be having words when you are half-naked in front of me!"

Sighing, River strode over to where the Doctor's buttonless shirt lay on the floor and slid her arms into it. It was a bit big for her, but she didn't care; she liked wearing the Doctor's clothes, they somehow seemed to protect her. Also, the shirt _smelled_ like him, full of time and knowledge. It was her favourite smell in the universe, the smell of a TimeLord, of her Doctor. On occasion, River had stolen a few of the Doctor's shirts without him noticing then she could sleep with the smell of him wrapped around her when she missed him. His shirts had helped her get through more than few sleepless nights.

Wrapping the shirt around her as best she could, River tapped her father to let him know he could look now. Rory raised his eyebrows and nodded towards the Doctor who looked very angry still handcuffed to the railing. Huffing and rolling her eyes, River reached again into her knickers and took out a small key, much to Rory's disgust. She put it in the handcuffs and set the Doctor free. He sprang to his feet, rubbing his wrists before saying, "About time!"

River grabbed the Doctor's hand and attempted to drag him down the corridor but found that their path was blocked by her father.

"Not so fast young lady, I want words." Rory told her sternly.

"Do you have to have _words_ Rory, can't you see we're busy?" the Doctor grumbled before gasping. "No I didn't mean it like _that_!" he said trying to redeem himself but Rory was buying none of it.

"Look, Doctor, me and Amy get that you're doing our daughter but-"

"I am not!" the Doctor protested but it failed.

"Yes he is," River confirmed, "Carry on Dad," she said, smirking at the Doctor while he glared back.

"_Anyway_," Rory began again, "We'd just like you to be a bit more discreet about it you know? We're River's parents and we're only 2 doors down from where we are now, you knew we could have walked in and seen you having sex with her at any time."

"WE WERE NOT HAVING SEX!" The Doctor shouted back at Rory, a bit louder than he intended to.

"Ssh sweetie," River spoke softly stroking the Doctor's bare back trying to calm him down.

"I'm sorry for shouting Rory, but the truth is that we weren't!"

"Not tonight anyway," offered River, her hand sneaking its way down to rest on the Doctor's butt.

"No not tonight," agreed the Doctor before gasping at what he's just said.

"I don't believe you," stated Rory.

"We weren't!" the Doctor whined, "Really, we weren't. River is bleeding tonight anyway so we weren't planning on doing _that._"

River carefully stood on the Doctor's foot and whispered in his ear: "It's called a period sweetie."

The Doctor blushed before turning to Rory who had apparently heard River.

"Well, okay, you weren't having _that_ kind of sex," he said, "But _why_ did I get woken up to the sound of the Doctor shouting your name River and then find you half-naked on top of a naked him?"

"Well, erm-" the Doctor tried to think of an excuse, but River cut him off.

"Well, we haven't seen each other for a while so the Doctor picked me up and we decided that we wouldn't let a good night go to waste. So we did stuff without using my...female parts." River answered, earning a glare from the Doctor.

"O-kay," Rory began, "Well just don't you let it happen here again, and Doctor, you just respect her, that's my daughter okay, I don't want to be using my sword on you."

The Doctor nodded to Rory before being whisked down the corridor by River who was saying: "And now for round two."

Rory waited until he heard their bedroom door shut before walking back towards his own bedroom rolling his eyes.

"Kids." He muttered.

**Thank you all for reading, this is now complete!**

**Please review and make another Whovian happy :)**


End file.
